Saturday, May 06, 2006

Any questions?

Submitted by Anonymous:

This was written today by a writer friend of mine.

If you accept employment but freeze UC retirement and elect the 401(k),
which may or may not equal up to 6% of your salary and may or may not
encompass more or fewer than 7 still-unknown investment options--which
reminds us that the 403(b) isn't going to be there anymore once you're in
LANS, so you'd better decide to leave it with UC or roll it over or cash
it out by contacting Fidelity after July 1--and which has or doesn't have
a higher maximum yearly contribution but which might include some of the
same funds you had in the 403(b), except that we haven't decided yet and
therefore can't tell you until this summer after your decisions have been
made, which you shouldn't mind doing without full information, but that
you must remember is not connected to the CAP that you never knew was
there but that you may or may not leave with UC or roll over, in addition
to the DCP, which you could add to your 403(b) that isn't going to be
there or to the 401(k), which has or doesn't have employer contributions,
depending on whether you are or are not vested and go inactive and have a
health benefit that may or may not be "access only"and that will "reach
back" upon retirement or death if your dependent or spouse is really a
spouse and not a gay partner, which means that all or none of your accrued
sick leave can or cannot be rolled over if you have more than $2,000 in
your 403(b) and your age-plus-time-served equals at least 75 and you have
or have not reached the top of the age factor and have never had a break
in your service time and you choose or don't choose to retire within 120
days of transition on June 1, which must be decided by May 15, unless you
want a paycheck in June, in which case you must decide before the
deadline, which turns out to be too soon for the people doing the
paperwork and which doesn't include the vacation cashout or rollover,
which had to be done by mid-April and could include 2 accrued weeks that
you could leave as vacation, but wait (!), you can't do that because what
you were originally told is now no longer true as of some date we don't
remember and, after all, you should have trashed that option chart and
downloaded the new one that was posted last month, or last week, or
yesterday, or tomorrow or. . . well . . . sometime.

Any questions?

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