Saturday, February 18, 2006

LANL employees find holes in package

ROGER SNODGRASS,, Monitor Assistant Editor

Employees of Los Alamos National Laboratory learned Thursday that under the new management, compensation would be "substantially equivalent" in "the aggregate." But as described during an evening meeting at the high school auditorium, the plan will be substantially more equivalent for some than for others.

Required by the terms of the new contract to come up with a compensation package that is more than just "comparable" - the original wording that was upgraded after protest - Los Alamos National Security (LANS) officials rolled out the rough draft of their "substantially equivalent" plan.

Ben Glover made the presentation on behalf of the LANS transition team, Tyler Przybylek, the chairman of the Source Evaluation Board, facilitated the meeting.

On the whole, the proposal left younger and mid-life employees with little reason not to roll their nest eggs into LANS and go forward.


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With senior staff contemplating retirement, junior staff contemplating careers in academia, overseers beseeching the patronage of St. Anthony of Padua, management contemplating profits, politicians contemplating the next election, and John Q. Public engrossed in omphaloskepsis, who is contemplating the future of the mission?
The first step toward contemplating the future of the mission would be to define the mission.
The future mission, as of this minute, is to use our scientific
talents to create complex simulations on huge super-computers
that accurately model the spread of omphaloskepsis throughout
the United States. How's that for a "mission du jour"? Now
all we have to do is get Faux News to start spreading the fear
of this dreaded new killer, omphaloskepsis. I hear it makes
your brain turn into a thin gruel, which then dribbles out your
Sounds like a better job for CNN. Their brains leeched into the surrounding soil long ago. Much of LANL management is in a good position to engage in omphaloskepsis but their view is from the inside looking out.
The correct medical description of omphaloskepsis is "cranio-anal impaction" as the correct viewpoint is from the inside outwards.
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